Wednesday

Today hasn't start much better. Went to class today, turned in my 6 page research paper for my history class and then turned in my 6 page final exam essay for English. My check engine light came on again, but Acura found no codes stored and the light wasn't on when they check, so they told me I was crazy, in a more professional and rude manner. I'll take a picture of it next time for them and laugh in their faces. I had a very emotional chat with my mother. She believes that I am making poor decisions because my decision making process, in my brain, isn't fully developed yet (scientifically). I'm not listening to my brain anymore, I'm listening to my heart, and all I can hope for is that my family forgives me for following it, and accepts me with open arms if things should happen to not work out between Rob and I. I love my family very much, and I would never intentionally do anything to hurt them, I just believe its time to start my own life with someone I love unconditionally. Though I haven't met Rob in person yet, Thursday should confirm all my feelings for him, and him, me. I still have time to sit on this and think it through more thoroughly, as my mother wishes me to do, and make a tentative decision. I can tell you that 6-8 months down the road, I'll still be in the same boat. If Rob loves me like I love him, he will be too. Why is love so nasty sometimes? Why cant I find a way through this without the pain and suffering? I'm tired of taking the pain for myself and running with it, I have to live too. I cant deny my heart the love its searched for, for quite some time now, any longer. It's craving love, and I found someone who will feed it. I just hope that his love supply isn't going to run out......mine won't. I have loved before, as I said in last posts, but never anything of this magnitude, due to the fact that none of my feelings have been reciprocated by those I've loved. I tend to wear my heart of my sleeve as though it was the perfect fashion statement. I worried about my mom worrying about me, she has worried enough. It's time to finally let go of her youngest biological child, as hard as it hurts. I'm almost 20 years old, and by the time I decide whether or not to move, I'll have been 20 for quite some time. Just to clear things up, if my family should read this, my moving would and will never ever stop my close relationship with any of them. I will fly back and forth, I promise......my promise to you all, whom I love dearly. Maybe I can even save up money for you to come and see Rob and me! Please, don't be scared or worried any longer, or to a minimum at least. I know the mothers instinct unmovable, but I cannot simply be sheltered all of my life. Now, all thats left is time for my remedy.....time. I love you all: Mom, Wren, Dusty, Ward, though some of you do not know my whole situation, and most of all, Rob.