To start off.

So, my name is Kellan and I'm 19 (20th Birthday in February), I live in Charleston, SC and I'm a sophomore in college here and live with my mother, stepfather, sister and nephew. I work for Starbucks as a barista/shift supervisor in training. Before the present, I've lived a pretty normal pleasant life (disregarding my nasty financial situation my first year of college) and did the normals: partied, socialized, dated, hung out with friends, worked, studied, and many others. The dating scene has just become a bit more difficult, and yes, I am gay.

So, to start off the blog on a positive foot rather than a negative (which it will end upon), recently I have fallen in love with a guy. This guy and I will be seeing each other for the first time in 48 hours (Thursday). I, being from South Carolina, am torn between the thoughts of the future. Rob, the one I've fallen for, resides in California. Needless to say, I have a tight relationship with my family and they find it difficult to let go of me, and I them as well. I love my family with all my heart, especially my sister/second mother. She has done nothing but good for me, always been there for me, a shoulder for me to cry on and a scornful sibling in time of need. My sister feels strongly against my moving in May-June (undecided), if I move. I'm skeptical as to speak with my mother about the topic in fear of the ultimate verbal lashing. I have a wonderful, caring mother, but perhaps she worries about me too much. Life cant be all based around school and work. I attend school, not very regularly admittedly, but I do well in the classes I attend. My tuesday/thursday classes I have ultimately failed and therefore have stopped attending, since it is too late for my withdrawal. So, to lay matters out on the table, I have come to a brick wall in my path as to what to do. I fear my place of residence is being jeopardized because I failed my two classes and I work 30+ hours a week. I do not believe my mother feels strongly for the man I've fallen in love for and feels the same as my sister about my moving. I have loved before, but the feeling has never been reciprocated and this is a new experience for me, lovely nonetheless. I love Rob, but I love my family too and I've known them all my life. Is it time to move on and start my own life? I feel like I need to, and its not as though I wouldnt ever talk to them. God knows I would probably call everyday, at least once. I could save money and fly back out, since I can fly for 90$ because I'm in between 18-23. Should I let go and move to the man I love and risk a new life? And so I reach out for advice since I'm torn and now broken. Anyone who reads this, I'm desperate. I broke down at work today and cried on someone's shoulder because I couldnt figure out what to do (and I'm not a cry'er). I've been told to listen to my heart, and my intent is still on the man I love, because thats what my heart tells me. I told him very clearly to be sure about his feelings for me, and they are obviously the same. Come Thursday, I hope my answer will be apparent and our feelings confirmed. Only time will tell. The blogs will continue, just read and comment, please.


-Kellan